Four Eyes

Friday.

Hawks Day.

Good day.

It's 4pm. I've had a large Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and I'm working my way through a DC. (Diet Coke) What I'm saying is, I have more caffeine in my system than I have blood. Also it just took me 14 times to spell caffeine because my fingers are moving so fast.

I have a laundry list of things I want to talk about, but also I just want to pick flowers in a field. I'm a little unfocused. Speaking of, I need to do laundry.

I've had to wear my glasses all week because, well, lemme 'splain the story at you. I went to the eye doctor for new contacts. She gave me new contacts and some eye drops because my eyes were "very red". A week later I went back for a follow up and told her I didn't think the prescription in the contacts was correct cause I...I couldn't see. She put me up to the eye machine* and asked which line I could read, I couldn't read any of them. Then she fiddled and adjusted and said, "Hmm. I don't know what's going on. Let me look at your eyes to figure out why you can't....see. Haha!" This freaked me out. I don't like doctors and I especially don't like when doctors straight up admit they have no idea what's going on with me. She told me my eyes are now very dry and to come back over the weekend after not wearing the contacts and getting new eye drops. But essentially what I heard was "Welp, it's happened. You're going blind and there's no hope. Might as well start shopping for a cane and a dog to help you live the rest of your life. Come back this weekend so I can break the news to you officially." Is this what she meant, I won't know till tomorrow, but this is what I HEARD.

I felt it coming. By now I know the feeling too well. It starts with full body heat and sweating, but then hot turns to cold, still sweating. Then the tunnel vision. Sounds seem to be miles away, even though I can hear everything clearly. Like I've got paper towel holders, the cardboard tubes, up to my hears and eyes. It feels dizzy, but not "I just spun around in circles" dizzy. More like, "My head has detached and is floating above my body" dizzy. I'm able to use my body. Still able to stand and walk, but I don't trust it. Like walking on a frozen lake. I take a step and everything works, but I never know if the next step will break the ice and send me plummeting. The next couple moments are crucial. If I try to push through it and act like nothing is happening, I black out. Either falling back in a chair, or forward in a chair, or completely to the ground, it all depends on my position. If I admit to myself I'm about to lose consciousness, I start to focus on my breathing and do everything I can to get my mind off of whatever I'm thinking about. Or I just come right out and say "I'm sorry. I'm about to pass out."

This particular time, I apologized to the kind women at the front desk, sat down and started some deep breathing and sent my mom a text that said "I'm about to pass out at this eye doctor." The worst of it passed, I found my way home and took a nap. Because. Seriously. I couldn't pass out at that place, it wasn't even a doctor's office. It was a frame store that happen to include an optometrist. It would have been like passing out in Gap. As I don't imagine you need to be CPR certified, or any kind of certified, to sell frames, I would guess my collapsing to the ground would have worried them. Maybe one of them is an EMT in Training and would have rushed to my aid. But, probably not.

So I'm stuck wearing my glasses till I get other contacts. I just don't like wearing them I just don't. I'm sure it's because I'm not used to them or whatever. Or because I usually wear them right before I go to bed so I feel like all day is sleepy time. But if this isn't resolved on Saturday, when I go back, I'm going to do a lot more than just pass out on their floor. I'm gonna pass out and take all their $700 designer frames to the ground with me! Take that! I'll show you! Ha!Ha! Sweet victory.

*Not the official title