The Taste of Change

We’re not talking about how long it’s been. That’s not important. Let’s not talk about what was, or wasn’t. Let’s talk about what is. Which is an odd thing to write because my now, the now of when I’m typing this, will never be your now, the now of when you’re reading. So even though I’m in the now, does that mean you’re in the past? Or has the now transformed to the personal now of the reader……..?

Almost two weeks ago I made a big choice and decided to give up chips and pizza for the remainder of February. Because that’s how bad it got. I was eating all of the chips and all of the pizza. All of it. A person does not feel the need to eliminate something if they are devoting a healthy amount of time to it. I guess, I mean, I don’t think anyone can devote a “healthy” amount of time to chips and/or pizza. Because, well, because they aren’t the healthiest to begin with. Maybe if it’s kale chips? Or maybe some kind of veggie pizza? I know, I KNOW, I’m trying to make excuses. I’ve never even had kale chips. Why would I bring them up? I have a problem.

It’s just that I’ve been eating myself into a winter pit lately. I shouldn’t blame the weather, but I’m blaming the weather. Just like I shouldn’t blame my pizza addiction on living in Chicago and my chip addiction on being at any point near some kind of grocery store. But I do a little bit. And you would too. Stop. Hey. You would. I know you would. However, because I cannot control the weather or the restaurants around me, I had a heart-to-heart with myself and vowed to make some changes to my health habits ASAP. Otherwise all the effort I have put into getting healthier these past few years would be for nothing. The dream of looking bangin’ in Leia’s slave outfit would disappear into the folds of Jabba’s belly.

I was thinking about giving something up for Lent. And by “thinking about” I just mean that someone said the word Lent and I thought “What if I did that?” Not really for Lent because I’m not Catholic and don’t want to jump onto that belief system at all. What I understand of Lent seems to be lost inside an excuse to gluttonize on Fat Tuesday followed by an opportunity to complain about how hard it is to give up whatever whoever is giving up until Easter Brunch and then life just returns to normal. But maybe I’m jaded. Relax. Not that EVERY Catholic does that, obviously, just the most vocal. Or the Catholics I come in contact with. Whatever. No judgies. (Except a little bit of judgies. I’m not Catholic, I can do what I want.) I think I would like to give something up that I do a lot or like a lot as a motivation. Like if I gave up ice cream, every time I thought about eating ice cream I would organize my room or do my laundry or do 10 pushups. As an example. But ice cream would be a terrible choice because I don’t even eat that much ice cream. I don’t know. I’m just dialoguing with myself here. Spit balling. Brainstorming.

You guys, I’m just like, “what?” I realized I turn 27 this year and for some reason that sounds so old and I’ve done nothing and my biggest concern in my life is that I eat too much pizza. I’m in a weird place of feeling very stagnant but also feeling like the world is moving so fast around me that I can’t savor any moments. I don’t like it. It’s as if I’m on the Scrambler at the fair and I’m spinning around too fast, all I see is the blur of lights zooming past, but really, I’m not going anywhere. ….Yikes. I feel like that sounds incredibly depressing. I’m not depressed. Don’t read too much into that. But it is an accurate metaphor. I would please like to get off and drink some lemonade while my love wins me a giant Teddy Bear.

But I feel it. Something’s coming. A change in the air. Spring is nearing and big things are in the works. And when that next big thing happens, whatever it is, I will sit down with an appropriate amount of pizza to celebrate.