Disorganized Feelings

I was reminded by a couple co-workers today that it's been a few days since I blogged. Well, here you go, ladies. I hope it lives up to your standards. You'll have to imagine what my face looks like while you read it, because unfortunatly blogs do not have facial expressions.

I've been real inside my head lately, hence the lack of blogging. It's not that I haven't had things to say, it's just that I haven't wanted to say them to anyone. I have a habit of this. I'm not a big feeling sharer. That seems counterintuitive because I have this blog in which the sole purpose is to share my inner thoughts. But it's different through a computer screen. Safer. And you best believe I do not share all my thoughts with you. No one gets the pleasure of that. You're welcome.

On the other side of that, though, the sharing becomes a little cathardic because all these thoughts and feelings and confusions rolling up in my head make me a little crazy. I'm a problem solver. So if I have these problems that I can't solve, I can't let them go. Most of the current problems are...unsolvable. At least at this point in my life. So I obviously don't want to dwell on them, but then I don't want to bury them because eventually they'll resurface and I'll be worse off than before.

Yes. Yes I am being vague. I've told you that I have problems but I haven't told you what they are. I didn't miss that, I'm making the choice not to share. But I know you all get me. You don't have to know the specifics to understand what I'm saying. I could spill everything out, but I'm going to leave some mystery. If I thought you could help me solve the problem, I'd love to share it with you and ask for advice. But you can't. I can't. It's just...a process.

I don't know what I'm saying here. The "theme" of this particular post is not so much a theme as word vomit as a result of a sore throat and a gas bubble that has been stuck in my tummy all day. See, I share things. Not emotion things, but everything else. Maybe it has something to do with my class tonight. I opened more than I was prepared to do so now I have to keep thoughts way to myself for a few days to make up for that. There was a tiny crack in my wall. I've spent a lot of time building that wall around myself so cracks in it are painful.

The best thing for me right now is to turn on some good ol Netflix, sleep this off, run tomorrow morning and start a new day. With a new blog. One that isn't so cryptic and on the verge of depressing. Goodnight, friends.