Trust the Process

It's 12:49am on Tuesday morning/Monday night and I've decided to blog. Not because I have something to say, but because I want to blog. Therefore, giving me something to say because of the desire to say it.

Yeah. You read that. We get philosophical at night. Also, it should be noted, I spelled philosophical correct on the first try. What. Is. Up.

I just finished the series finale of Weeds. I cried. I didn't even like Season 7. And Season 8 had it's moments but was still all over the place. But the finales always make me cry. I think it's my inner actor coming out. I don't think about the characters, I think about how hard it would be so wrap a show you've worked on for 8 years of your life. That's a long time. They must be very sad.

Hey. Do you think I need to find a goal? Like, for my life? Or do you think everything will work out if I just keep living and taking paths and turns as they come. Because I don't know what I want out of life. When I'm 70, looking back, I don't have a perfect idea of everything that I want to accomplish. I don't have a 10-year-plan or a 5-year-plan or even a 6-month plan. My life has worked so well up till now just making decisions as they are presented. Now, all this is interesting to me because I'm such a day-to-day planner. I have my google calendar synced with my phone and I have a white board calendar on my wall with my schedule and plan. If it's not in the calendar, it doesn't exist. But beyond the month, I've got nothing. I'm such a conundrum.

I like to believe I'm embracing Joe Campbell's idea of the "Hero's Journey". Not necessarily calling myself a "hero" but I'm referring to my own story, in which I am, obviously, the hero. It's the journey and not the destination and all that. And, while sometimes I lose sight and freak out, I think I'm doing a good job of living by that idea. Trusting the process.

My question, though, is if I need to choose a goal so I have something to work towards. So I'm not aimlessly wandering through life. So I have a purpose. But does having a purpose imply I need to be working towards the greater good? Or can my purpose be fulfilling my life?

Maybe I can relate it to running. Do I need to be running a race, bib, official start and finish line, timed, in order to get everything I can out of a run? Or can I learn the same lesson just going out and running a 5k on a Tuesday morning. Does that make sense? Or maybe the race (goal) can be used for motivation. You don't need it every time, but if you lose your spark you can set a goal to get you back on track.

Yeahhh. Yeah. I like the direction this decided to go. I'm telling you, free form associations, they'll getcha. In a good way. It's now an hour later. My head is clear. I can sleep peacefully.