A Goal to be Good

What a week, you guys. I've been trying to think of a way to describe how I'm feeling or how I want to be feeling but of course I can't. There's no explaining it, or rationalizing it. Part of me feels very helpless. All of these things are happening, but there is nothing I can do. Part of me feels incredibly lucky. Lives are being changed in the worst way around the world, and mine has been stayed the same for the most part. It's all very confusing. Terrible things happen every day. It's a sad truth, but it is the truth. Why don't I feel so shaken by all of those things? Should I? Should I be more empathetic to the constant terrors of the world?

I do feel affected by the Marathon Bombs more than other disasters. I can identify, wrap my head around a small part of it. Even though I have only completed one full marathon and I will never be fast enough to run in Boston, I still feel a kinship between other runners. That is what's so great about running. It is completely an individual sport and yet one of the most unifying things I've been apart of. Knowing the joy and accomplishment and pain and everything I felt when I crossed the finish line last October, knowing all of that was taken away from thousands of people tears me up inside. And then to think of the spectators, some of whom didn't even know anyone in the race, cheering on the runners, giving them that last push of encouragement while they powered through the finish line. And the volunteers. The medics and groups of people who are giving their time and effort and money and hard work to help strangers reach their goal. So many wonderful people unfairly thrown into tragedy. It makes me ill.

Then, there is a part of me that starts to feel guilty for not giving this much thought and feeling into other disasters. Perhaps this is a direct result of the internet. I have such a love/hate relationship right now with social media. I am thankful for the up-to-the-second updates, but man can the internet be full of poison. The blaming and racial profiling and witch hunts that started just seconds after the news broke is disgusting. People should be ashamed. Honestly, that's the one thing that has made me so angry. People jumping to uneducated and ridiculous conclusions based on their own ignorance. That helps no one. Ignorance and self-importance are what get us into these messes.

But then, as I start to find a way to sort through my emotions, I cut myself some slack. There is a difference between empathy and letting the troubles of the world control and overtake you. It's not fair to expect me to feel this same way about every disaster because I would be in a constant state of depression. Of course I feel awful when terrible things happen, but I can't expect myself to break down and weep after every news story. That's not a life. And really, accomplishes nothing except a lot of headaches. It's like those quotes that have been floating around the internet, the one by Mr. Rogers and the one by Patton Oswalt, focus on the good. Focus on the heroes.

Focus on loving each other. That's all we can do, right? Allow yourself to be affected by tragedy, but then turn it around and make yourself find a way to turn this into something good. Whether that means giving your time or money to a charity or if that means challenging yourself to just be a better person. Because we can all do that, right? I know I can. There are constantly ways I can change something little about my choices or my attitude to make someone else feel a little better. It's free and there are no negative consequences. It seems juvenile to take such a giant disaster and boil it down to just "Be Nice" but isn't that what it's all about? Just take your kindness level and crank it up a couple notches. With no agenda, not because you feel guilty and want to make yourself feel better, but simply because you want to be nice.

I've felt a lot of feelings this week, friends. And whether or not this post makes you feel anything, I feel better. I feel like my thoughts are in a much better order and I have a goal. A Goal to be Good. Because alliterations make things easier to remember. Also I have a goal to eat more fruit and no chips, but that seems like a discussion for another post. Until then, love each other.